


still beats for you

by zjofierose



Series: (every now and then) on my mind - Angstober 2019 [12]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Character Study, Communication, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Found Family, Gen, Georgi/Anya, Jealousy, Post-Break Up, envy - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-15
Updated: 2020-11-15
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:20:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27571420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zjofierose/pseuds/zjofierose
Summary: "I would rather die"
Relationships: Victor Nikiforov & Georgi Popovich
Series: (every now and then) on my mind - Angstober 2019 [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1998550
Comments: 1
Kudos: 17





	still beats for you

**Author's Note:**

> just a baby ficlet for a prompt from a 2019 Angstober list

“Here.” Victor settles down on the cold metal bench next to Georgi and holds out a wad of tissues. Georgi doesn’t look up, but he takes the tissues with a sigh and blows his nose at length. 

The rink is deserted. Yakov and the younger skaters have gone home for the evening, leaving the ice to glimmer in the light from the setting sun. It’s Victor’s favorite time to skate, has been since he was little - the echoing of the empty walls, the lack of spectators, the space of the ice free of other’s jumps and shouts.

It’s Georgi’s favorite time, too. 

“Anya?” Victor asks, and Georgi nods miserably. 

“Who else?” he answers, and Victor manfully doesn’t reply with some variant of,  _ who knows, I never could keep up with your love affairs _ . Victor nods, instead, makes a sympathetic hum.

In many ways, it was Georgi who seemed older between the two of them, at least at first. He had started skating younger, he grew faster, he got his early jumps down first. He was better with the tutors, better with his crushes - there were at least two years when it was Victor chasing Georgi, tagging along behind in a furious effort to keep up. 

And then… well. Georgi is no slouch, and Victor is always first to defend Georgi’s collection of silvers and bronzes, just as he does for Christophe. They are both dedicated, talented skaters who are worthy of respect. 

It’s just that Victor is better. 

“Did she break up with you again?” Victor asks, keeping his tone neutral as they both gaze out over the sun-tinged ice in front of them. He can see Yuri skating in his mind’s eye, replays the bit of choreography he’d been rehearsing earlier. There’s something off about it, Victor will have to watch more closely tomorrow.

“No,” Georgi’s voice is flat. “We haven’t gotten back together. It’s been nearly a year now."

Victor winces. “I’m sorry, Gosha,” he says, and means it. He’s old enough and self-aware enough to admit that, now he’s in a long-term relationship, he can’t imagine what it must feel like to lose it; to watch the object of your affections work their way systematically through the St. Petersburg hockey team in order of attractiveness. No matter that he doesn’t really think that Georgi and Anya’s relationship held a candle to his and Yuuri’s in terms of maturity and durability; he knows Georgi thought it did, and Georgi's hurting because of it.

“I bought her a ring,” Georgi says, his voice still flat. “I asked her to go out to dinner with me, one last time, on our anniversary. I was going to surprise her, ask her to give me another chance.”

Victor inhales, bites his lip. “What did she say?”

“She said, and I quote,  _ ‘I would rather die _ .’”

“ _Gosha_ ,” Victor sighs, and Georgi shakes his head sharply. 

“Just- just shut up and listen, Vitya, ok? I need this to be about me for one  goddamn minute, okay?” His voice cracks, and Victor shuts his mouth with a snap. “Heaven knows it’s about you the rest of the time.”

Victor stays silent, and Georgi sighs, the tension falling from his shoulders as he slumps forward, pressing his head to the railing in front of them.

They’ve always gotten along, for which Victor has always been endlessly grateful. They’d met at eight and roomed together in the dorms for five long years before Georgi got a single and Victor moved in with Yakov. They were close - Victor thinks that Georgi is the nearest thing he has to a brother, really. Had to a brother? They’ve grown more distant as they’ve aged, but then, maybe that’s what all siblings do - he doesn’t really know. In any case, Georgi could have hated him - maybe  _ should _ have hated him - but he doesn’t, and so Victor sits quietly and lets Georgi speak.

“It’s not personal, Vitya. Not in the sense that I blame you for any of it. I know you can’t help being-” he waves a hand in Victor’s direction, “a genius. Beautiful. Charismatic. All of that. I’ve known you too long, and I’ve seen how hard you work. I know it’s not an accident, and I know you’ve had your own… challenges.”

Victor catches his breath. It’s as close as anyone’s ever really come to mentioning it to Victor’s face, and he looks down at his hands, spinning the gold ring where it sits on his finger. 

“But you have to understand, Vitya, how  _ exhausting _ it is. Years and years of coming in behind you, of deciding if only I work _harder_ , try something _new_ , push _further_ , that I’ll be able to do it, to beat you. And then, you know, okay - so you’re better at our sport than I am. It suchs, but at least I had love! Sure, I’ve had some bad break-ups, but I had  _ passion _ and I had  _ romance _ and I had  _ joy _ . But then-” Georgi lets out a hiccuping laugh, and Victor digs his fingers into his knees. “But then you fall in love with someone who thinks you hung the stars in the sky. And Victor, I’m happy for you, I  _ really _ am. But I just…”

“I’m sorry,” Victor says, and means it.

Georgi shakes his head again. “I don’t want you to be sorry. I’m not a shitty person. I just… it just… it  _ hurts _ , Vitya.”

Victor wraps an arm around Georgi and lets him bury his face in Victor’s shoulder. 

“I  _ am _ sorry,” he murmurs, their mother tongue a comfort he rarely indulges these days. “I’m not sorry for who I am, or what I’ve done, but I am sorry that you haven’t had the same.”

Georgi nods into his shoulder. Victor feels the tears in his own eyes and marvels at the ease with which emotion comes to him these days. A gift, he thinks, and one which Georgi has always had over him. 

“I don’t regret any of it, but I do regret that it came at a cost to you. And to others,” Victor adds, thinking of Chris’ bittersweet smile. “If I could have done it without it hurting, I would have.”

“I know, Vitya,” Georgi mumbles, his head heavy on the bony point of Victor’s clavicle. “It’s not your fault, it’s just the nature of what we do. And Anya is even less your fault.” He sighs. 

Victor tips his head to rest against the dark bristles of Georgi’s hair. “I wish better for you, my friend,” he whispers. 

Georgi makes no response. Instead, they sit silently, staring at the ice until darkness falls.


End file.
